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应该说，在关键处，特别是感情饱满处，行文语言流畅自然，感人至深。例如“The point is just that I travel away from you while others stay with your counterparts”“Yet I came to understand, gradually, that it was my dad and I who travelled constantly and even willingly, that you were always there, waiting to hold me and caress my face in reunion”“Then I finally learned to love you. I learned to …; I tried to …. I returned to … and turned the pitch black clay into a shimmering statue of you”“I remember that night …. I remember in dream that you tapped my head ….”等。
故事开始，在他乡读起《游子吟》，“我”不由想起“你”，于是向“你”倾诉没有“你”的日子。没有“你”的童年是没有爱和欢乐的童年，于是“我”心中生“恨”。“我”开始埋怨“你”的不负责任，愤而烧毁“你”的照片。而当“我”看到堆放得满屋子的“你”亲手编织的sweaters，当“我”看到堆成山的“你”为“我”准备的各式玩具，当“我”品味满盒子里“你”的亲笔信，“我”了解了“你”的爱。
一波未平，一波又起。“我”偶然获知，原来“你”的死皆因“我”起，原来“你”知道“我”的来临便是“你”的死期。“我”不禁感叹：“To make me love you and let me blame myself! How could you let me kill you!”“我”曾对“你”何等残忍、何等不公！“我”愿以“我”的命换“你”的，如果可以。“你”永远待在原地，“你”爱光芒照射我四周，从未远离；而“我”必须前行，这亦是“你”的希望。无风叶落的秋夜，你再入梦来，轻弹我的额头，于是我孤独的旅程再无恐惧。
今日再吟《游子吟》，“你”的手中线，“我”的身上衣（sweater），泪已湿满襟。在“我”的故事里，还巧妙地穿插着父亲、祖母。他们的出现自然地推动着故事的发展和转折，更加衬托母亲的爱，使主题更加深刻。
The judges were asked to evaluate the essays in the writing competition according to three criteria: content/ideas,organisation/development,and language. I shall follow this format.
Content was excellent, very well-argued and thought-through. The writer’s range of knowledge of current social issues was impressive, covering genetics, cloning, AI, disease, MOOCs and the New York stock market. She/he argued persuasively for the continuing evolution of humanity through advances in medicine, AI and technology rather than along Sir David Attenborough’s more simplistic view of evolution as a Darwinian survival of the fittest.
Organisation and development were also outstanding. The writer followed a logical progression, numbering her/his points and with clear and ordered writing. Sentence structure was good, and her/his ideas were presented with clarity and intelligence. The argument had an introduction, definite paragraphs with separate points and a clear conclusion, and the argument was easy to follow yet with intricate knowledge.
Language was where the writer fell down. Although complex vocabulary was used widely and for the part correctly, this piece is not immune from simple grammatical mistakes – in particular
In general, this was an outstanding piece of argument, clear and logical and using a wide range of ideas and concepts.
上周读过写作大赛高分议论文之后，是否感到意犹未尽，余韵悠长。
本次将为大家带来2019“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛决赛冠军的记叙文佳作，一起感受选手笔下的动人故事，聆听专家的细致点评！
Human Civilization Outshines Human Intervention
Recent years have witnessed the heated discussion concerning the potentially dire consequences entailed by the unprecedentedly fast development of human society. Some people fear that the uncontrolled advancement of science and technology will bring about adverse ramifications which would eventually take a deadly toll on human beings itself. According to them, ^v^the doomsday clock is on the verge of striking^v^ if we do not endeavor to stop human intervention before it is too late. However, my view on this issue is different. The so-called ^v^human intervention^v^ is, if we view it from another perspective, actually ^v^human civilization^v^, which is not supposed to be to blame for its grandeur and sophistication.
In the first place, the fast-growing medical technology have been making great contributions to human evolving. Thanks to the progress made in medical cares and hospital facilities, human beings are able to live longer and survive harsh circumstances under which our predecessors are vulnerable to disease and death, such as the dessert zones or icy Antarctic areas. Also, human beings have been developing special treatments to combat what was formerly seen as incurable cancers, such as malaria, ^v^, and Ebola, managing to save lives and increase people's sense of security and happiness. All the uplifting results is evidenced in the global life expectancy surging from about 40 years old in the 20th century - the number of which was much dismal in under-developed countries - to over 65 nowadays. Therefore, instead of claiming such human interventions prevent us from adapting to infectious disease through natural selection, we ought to come to the realization that humans are evolving in a more effective and efficient way, that is, through technological advancement.
Secondly, the highly developed genetic knowledge is increasing biodiversity instead of destroying it. Since human beings became curious about how life forms and how myriads of organs and systems function in human bodies, the world has seen the burgeoning of biotechnology and genetic research. Through all the amazing findings by scientists and researchers, human beings not only have a better grasp of the secrets of life, but also propose new ways to enrich life forms. Because of cloning, we are able to ^v^duplicate^v^ endangered animals which would have been extinct otherwise. Because of genetic advancement, we are able to produce hybrid corns and vegetables, which have been pulling millions of people out of the risk of starving to death. Because of genes transplanting, we are able to create creatures we never see and also many other intriguing possibilities. Evolutionary change is not necessarily achieved by longitude natural selection, but also can be accelerated by modern genetic engineering.
Thirdly, the wider currency of artificial intelligence adds rather than distracts. Increasing automation and diminished human contact is the reality of today: a world where dexterous robots replace endless rows of Chinese workers and the trading floor specialists on New York Stock Exchange are ready to hand over the keys to Wall Street's version of SkyNET. That traditional teachers in classrooms give way to their counterparts on YouTube, under the auspices of the leaders of digital economy, is inevitable. Maybe that is necessary. But that is not the reason we should stop it - at least it's cheap and convenient. A case in point is the MOOCs, or Massive Online Open courses. It is essentially online classrooms, and are easily accessible to courses designed by professors from prestigious universities, such as Yale, Caltech and Duke. Even though MOOCs may in a large extent replace traditional teachers, it offers platforms and opportunities for those who fail to be accepted to selective colleges or those who cannot afford expensive high-quality education. It is therefore concluded that machines and modern technologies can be a blessing in disguise.
It may be argued that, no matter how we whitewash advances of modern age, human practice has been definitely intervening the laws of nature. It's true that humans aren't always comply with how nature works, but the interplay between human and nature can also be seen as human's utilization and transformation of nature by using their endless creativity and ingenious mind. More importantly, there's no point denying the advancing of human society. If the case is exactly what the author of the given paragraphs expects, all human intervention should be eliminated, and the best way for humans not to ^v^intervene^v^ is stopping developing, halting making progress and reducing back to barbarous creatures like any other beings then thousands of millions years ago. Needless to say, it is ridiculous and unrealistic.
In a nutshell, human civilization, another interpretation of ^v^human intervention^v^, should not be stopped or discouraged. The effects of human intervention in biological evolution of the human species pales in comparison with the profound significance that human civilization have on human species in terms of modern advanced technologies. The claim ^v^Humans have stopped evolving^v^ is, in my standpoint, ^v^Humans have been evolving, but in a unique human way^v^. And this is, in essence, how humans evolve far smarter and far more sophisticated than any other living beings.
（为真实展示选手赛场上的写作风貌，文章为从iTEST 大学外语测试与训练系统中摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。）
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